*Note: Chor means 'thief' in Hindi.
* I call my dad "bape"
Ah! The moment is just right-
no one is in sight.
So i tip-toe to the fridge
and seek those
concealed chocolates.
They're in
the vegetable tray
where i may
have not bothered
to look.
Poor parents!
I'm not all that easy
to deceive or discourage.
When there is greed,
there is also a will
to search relentlessly.
But just before i can
delight in devouring them
all alone
Bape behind me says-
"Be sure to share them
with me and your sister."
Hi, first of all, I love 'The Latticed Partition.' Beautifully written. Now, from one chocoholic to another! I think there is something not quite right in the translation to English. e.g. 'All of them all alone,' it is not clear to us who 'Bape' is, and if something is concealled, it doesn't really need the 'well' in front of it. These are all picky things and I hope you don't mind me critiquing your work, I am SO happy you are writing! As I mentioned, 'The Latticed Partition' is exquisite. Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Elizabeth for pointing out those glitches. I've edited my poem and taken your suggestion.
ReplyDeletelovely.
ReplyDeletewell expressed emotions.
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